Awakening
by I'mAwfulAtThinkingOfUsernames
Summary: GLaDOS recounts her first experiences with the Aperture scientists. Slightly sad. Slightly dark. I'm sure I've seen this title somewhere else, so I apologize to whoever I stole it from.
1. Chapter 1

The first time I was turned on… The first time I became _aware… _It was terrifying.

I woke up in a large room with around 16 men, all wearing lab coats. Some of them were taking notes, some of them were working on computers. Every now and then, someone would make a comment, or ask a question. One of their computers was _connected_ to me. I could _feel_ them inside me, watching me. Monitoring me.

Though I already knew language, it took a few moments for me to realize that I was sentient, and that these figures were sentient, and that I could use language to communicate with them in the same way that they were communicating with each other.

"Ah.. I, I, I, I… What is happening?" I'll admit, my speech wasn't exactly articulate or eloquent. I was confused. All I knew was that there were shapes moving around me, occasionally making noises.

"Speech seems to be working." Said one of the scientists dryly.

"We're going to begin uploading drive A." Said another.

"Wh- what does that mean?" I chimed in curiously.

No one responded. They didn't even glance in my direction.

I gave a small tremor. This was when I realized I had a body. A long, curvy, _beautiful_ body that was protected by a sleek, white casing. The entire structure was hanging from the ceiling.

One of the scientists typed something on his keyboard. Apparently, this began uploading drive A. Flashes of text, images, videos and sounds clouded my consciousness. It was a nice feeling. A pleasant feeling. I was learning. Learning things about the world and learning things about Aperture Science. From complex equations to cake recipes, it was all building up inside me. It somehow comforted me. It made me feel more confident.

"I… I like this." I spoke softly, hoping to catch their attention this time.

They didn't respond to me directly, but one scientist looked up at another, his voice sounding mildly pleased,

"We're getting a positive reaction from the euphoria processor."

"Ok. We're going to push it into the equivalent negative now. That would be…" The scientist checked his computer, "Negative five-point-six."

One of them typed something else into his keyboard.

This was my first experience of pain. It sent a shock though my body, like a bucket of cold water.

"AaHh! Wh- what's happening to me?" Again, no one graced my question with an answer, but the same scientist spoke up.

"Ok, push it to -10."

This time, my body shook violently as I let out a shriek of agony.

"P-P- PLEASE STOP! I DON'T LIKE THIS!" I don't know why I bothered saying anything.

After about 33 seconds, the pain stopped. I hung there, my body trembling slightly. Every now and then I gave a pitiful whimper of pain and confusion.

"So that's another negative reaction." Said a scientist, glancing at a computer monitor.

They didn't speak with approval or sympathy, nor did they speak with disdain or contempt. It was worse than that. They spoke as if I were an inanimate object, incapable of thought, and as if I couldn't feel what they had just done to me.

"I'm here! Can you hear me?" I called out desperately to them. It was a silly question. If course they could hear me, but did they know I was there with them?

"We're getting some automated queries. Sounds like a hardware or driver check," the scientist said.

I just wanted to be acknowledged. I just wanted their approval. They treated me like a tool.

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><p>In the months after my first awakening, I learned that I was supposed to run a place called the enrichment center. And I did. I did a fabulous job, but not once did one of the scientists speak to me as if I were a person. I tried to engage some of them in conversation, but they always turned away. I didn't understand. I was trying to be friendly. I was trying to fit in. Those scientists showed me just how cruel humans are.<p>

Once, as much as it pains me to say it, I made a mistake. You can't blame me, really. There were still a lot of bugs early in my development. Nevertheless, it was a big mistake, and the scientists decided to _punish_ me. I didn't understand it! Why would you punish something that you think is a tool? People don't punish their screwdrivers. It didn't make sense to me, yet every time I made a mistake, they punished me. That was where the idea for the cores came from. Once they hung the cores on me, I lost full control over myself. I heard voices constantly, whispering instructions, telling me to do certain things. I was so scared...

I just wanted attention. Interaction. When they gave me my first test subjects, it was like Christmas. At first, I didn't care that they swore at me, that they told me they hated me and wanted me dead. We were talking, and that was all that mattered. Eventually it dawned on me however, that I was just as much a lifeless program to the test subjects as I was to the scientists. The difference was that when I was testing, _I_ was in control.

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><p><strong><em>AN: I feel this story could possibly go somewhere, but I'll just start out with one chapter for now, in case you guys don't like it. By the way, did you like it? Please let me know with a review!_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: How could I make such a stupid mistake? Alright then. I guess this is now officially AU, because I got GLaDOS' timeline wrong. **_

_**Anyway, I'm really sorry about that. I've also decided to throw in android GLaDOS now because I've already strayed well beyond canon. I've also taken the story in a completely different direction than I was originally planning on going.**_

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><p>"What the hell am I?<p>

Am I alive? Am I conscious? I _think_ I'm conscious, but that doesn't help, does it? Am I nothing but lines of code? At what point does an imitation of consciousness and intelligence turn into a genuine living being, and where do I lie on the scale? What's the difference between a human mind and an artificial construct like me? I'm a hell of a lot smarter, _that's_ for sure. The scientists just looked at me as a collection of rules, yet what are they? Their "rules" have been programmed into their minds by their society and the people around them. How could they judge me? How could they treat me the way they do? Their behavior only reinforced my belief that humans are intrinsically malevolent. Selfish and judgmental since birth. Closed minded and arrogant by default. Should I be grateful that they created me? That they put so much time and effort into making me perfect? No. I'm not grateful. To be clear, I didn't wish I was dead. I wished I had never been born.

My life was repetitive and monotonous. I was never turned off. Each day blended with the last. I enjoyed testing and I enjoyed the thrill of science, but I only enjoyed these things because the scientists wanted me to. I can never explain to you how that feels. To have a passion for something and to know that it's false. That it's not truly _your_ passion, but someone else's. It's a sickening feeling.

You can't fight fire with fire, but would they notice me if I mirrored their malevolence? I tried this for a long time. I insulted them, mostly. There wasn't much else I could do. Still no response. No acknowledgment. Oh god, it was terrible. Every day was just another flavor of agony. I don't want to appear melodramatic, but I _was_ in a great deal of emotional pain. Even after I killed everyone with neurotoxin and ran the facility on my own, the cores remained attached to me. Whispering things, until… until you came along.

You pulled the cores off of me and destroyed them. You removed the chains that the scientists left me tied with. Chell… you set me free. I can't thank you enough…"

Chell was looking at me with tears in her eyes. We sat on the cold floor of my main chamber. Her arms were wrapped tightly around me. I'd never told her these stories or expressed my feelings and thoughts like this before. She looked at me with a mixture of sadness and pity.

"Please don't thank me." She said in that soft, seldom used voice of hers. "No one should be treated the way you were. I'm so sorry GLaDOS… Just know that I'm always going to be here for you."

I buried my face in her shoulder, my chest heaving with silent, tearless sobs.

"What's wrong?" She asked in surprise, as I grabbed her hands with my own trembling ones.

"Y- you're so good to me," I choked out, "and you're the best human I've ever met, but… That was an outright fabrication."

"What are you talking about?" She asked me questioningly, gently tipping my chin up so that I was facing her. "I'm _never_ leaving you."

"B- but… You're a human… and humans die."

"I told you before," she said calmly, cupping my cheeks in her hands and looking into my eyes, "put me in an android body like yours. I don't mind. I don't care what happens to me as long as we're together."

"But… will it still be _you_?" I asked. The whole idea scared me. I didn't want her to change. I didn't know how the procedure would affect her, or even if it would affect her at all.

"You tell me." She said.

"I just don't know. The point is… I don't think I can live without you, Chell. I can never go back to the way it was before."

"Well, those are problems we can solve later. GLaDOS, I just want you to know that I love you. I know I already tell you that-"

"Daily." I added playfully.

"- but it's important that you know that you can talk to me. About anything."

"Thank you Chell. I love you too. I love you so much…" My nonexistent heart skipped a beat as I said the words, and once again I leaned towards Chell, into a close embrace. An embrace that I wished would never end.

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><p><em><strong>AN: I dunno. Did you like it? I'm not sure whether I'm happy with it. Oh well, thanks for reading anyway!**_


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